Microsexism and violence (***)

Relational and Social Constructionist Consortium of Ecuador (IRYSE)

Maritza Crespo Balderrama, M.A. and Diego Tapia Figueroa, Ph.D.

They are biases, often unconscious, that manifest themselves in gender relations and cause women to be affected.

Gender-based violence does not arise in recent times or due to the rise of telecommunications. It is a reality that has been growing and developing in our society over the centuries and that is fed by cultural conceptions, beliefs, ideology, and even science itself, which often supports concepts and ideas that have led to behaviors and misunderstandings in which women are at a disadvantage.

This years-long process is the breeding ground for so-called “unconscious biases,” which are nothing more than small paths that our thinking takes to help us define a certain situation, person, or group of people. Although biases could facilitate and save time in understanding and recognizing situations in the environment, they can also become the easiest way to sustain prejudices and, in the long run, to exert violence.

Gender biases

Gender biases manifest themselves in relationships between men and women in any context, although they are usually more evident in the family and work environment.

Within families, for example, it is common to hear that women are more sensitive than men, that they are more detail-oriented and more protective and that, however, they are less determined, less agile, or less objective. Ideas like these lead women themselves to believe that they are not capable of making decisions or to expect or normalize certain forms of behavior from men (couples, for example) that strengthen the gender bias that assumes that a woman is like that for being a woman, and a man is different, for being a man.

In the workplace, gender biases have meant that women have to make double the effort to reach a position of power similar to that of a man, among other things because it is believed that “a woman does not know how to lead or put boundaries”. They have also implied that women who are in a position of power must assume leadership marked by characteristics that society considers to be typical of men: strength, verticality, intransigence, radicality, inflexibility, etc.

Gender biases are deeply installed in the way of thinking of men and women in society and are at the basis of the different types of violence to which women are subjected daily. The way to overcome them lies, mainly, in making them aware and reflecting on them, recognizing which ones determine the way of thinking about men and women in relational spaces and how this way impacts one’s behavior and conceptions of others.

Microsexism: violence in small acts

Although gender biases are the basis of the way we think about men and women, micro sexism is evident in subtle actions and words that people relate to in everyday life.

These are small and almost imperceptible gestures, words, actions, or omissions in the exercise of power, based on the dominance of the masculine in everyday life, which perpetuate gender inequality and limit the autonomy and freedom of women.

The fundamental characteristic of micro sexism is that it is widely used, even among men who are not violent (at least not explicitly violent), and does not necessarily imply a voluntary, planned, or intentional action on the part of the man towards women, but rather that is part of how men have been educated and, in many cases, of habits sustained by the culture and the families themselves.

Microsexism does not manifest itself as physical or sexual violence, but has the same objectives: to guarantee control over women and maintain inequality and injustice in relationships, in favor of the man continuing to hold power over them.

The examples are abundant and the contexts of relationships and parenting are full of them. Some of them, which make the essence of microsexism visible, are set out below.

Microsexism “inside”

Within homes, micro-sexism is often supported by the women themselves: the recognition of the man because he “helps” at home, when it is the responsibility of both of them to take care of the household chores, or the one who does not get involved in the chores because “does not know how to do them” or because the woman does them better, or women who overvalue the few contributions to the chores that their partners do as if it were not a matter of co-responsibility of those who live in the same space and under the same roof, but rather a favor on the part of man.

Another “classic” among microsexism is the traditional division of colors for boys and girls: “pink” for them and “blue” for them, added to the messages that place beauty or delicacy and girls as princesses compared to boys who are brave or champions.

Finally, although examples abound, the commonplace in the family is that the mother is the one who cares, protects, and heals, while the father is the one who provides financially when they also carry out caring actions, such as changing diapers or preparing food for their babies. The family recognizes them as excellent fathers while they assume that mothers are and do that.

Microsexism “outdoors”

The one who, at the customer service window in some company, when the service of a mechanic or professional is requested, or even when the waiter brings the bill to the table, addresses the man and not the woman who is with him, is an obvious example of microsexism that, in addition, reflects the cultural conception that the one who knows or has the say and the reason (money, power) will always be the man.

The same thing happens with the invisibility, conscious or not, of women who are in some position of power (running a company or with people under their charge), especially when it comes to professions in which there are a greater number of men (engineering, sciences, executive positions, etc.) or when women are subtly disowned not so much for their professional capacity but for how they address others, how they are dressed or their appearance.

Speaking in diminutive terms to a woman or using terms that demonstrate superiority or condescension are other examples of the micro-sexism common in our culture.

To confront this culture of abuse and be free with others, let’s look at this sequence of the dialogue process (for example, as we carry it out in our therapeutic work), which can be useful to build a dignified life, with other relational styles:

• It is advisable to assume a permanent, genuine, and authentic posture of respect, curiosity, openness, flexibility, and creativity.
• Transmit interest, trust, and security. Listen patiently, attentively, and actively (do not interrupt). Listen deeply, with your whole body.
• Accompany in silence -without anxiety-, allowing others to freely express everything they need.
• Be radically present in the relationship, in the dialogue, with your five senses, fully and with integrity.
• Avoid giving quick and hasty responses.
• Do not judge, give advice, or victimize with comments or expressions that disqualify the other.
• Falling into myths and stereotypes about gender violence or the victims.
• Justify violence as a private matter, a matter of relationship conflicts.
• Make them resign themselves to living in these abusive relationships.
• Minimize the risks to your physical and emotional integrity.
• We will work on their belief system, especially their ideas about gender roles and the role of women in relationships and marriage. Question myths about the need to maintain the relationship at all costs.
• Discuss the meaning of establishing limits that protect relationships.
• Talk about the meaning of human rights: how to respect them and make them respected in all relational contexts?
• Talk to enhance autonomy, not dependence.
• Support them to mourn the losses: of the relationship, of the hope of a family, of a life project, economic losses, of the social network.
• Invite us to reflect on gender roles, and on the cultural conventions of “should be” a woman, a couple, and a mother.
• Propose a restorative approach (the woman as the subject of her recovery) and good treatment, which includes the responsible protection of sons and daughters against violence that should not continue or be covered up.
• Encourage the person to discover their strengths, identify their abilities to face the traumatic event, and go through the crisis.
• Responsible, critical, assertive, and positive reflection is generated so that you can imagine different life scenarios.

(***) Authorized reproduction of the publication, in Maxi Magazine

https://www.maxionline.ec/los-micromachismos-y-la-violencia

English translation by Bruno Tapia Naranjo.