Recognizing abuse (***)

Relational and Social Constructionist Consortium of Ecuador (IRYSE)

Maritza Crespo Balderrama, M.A. and Diego Tapia Figueroa, Ph.D.

It is a common problem that can occur in the areas in which we operate. Facing it intelligently and getting out of this situation positively is possible.

Violence, in its different manifestations, is an evil that afflicts contemporary societies. It is enough to watch the news on television or listen to what certain people say to recognize that, unfortunately, many (couple, family, work, or friendship) relationships are marked by the signs of a culture of abuse.

Although this is the case, it is common for both women and men not to know how to differentiate the types of abuse or violence and to discern whether or not they are experiencing situations in which this occurs daily.

Violence, abuse, mistreatment… are they the same?

Talking about violence means talking about situations in which there is a relationship of force and submission, that is, someone -or a group of people- exercises abusive power to subdue another. In that sense, abuse can take many forms, and, therefore, violence can take place in a variety of contexts and with different actors.

One of the most common forms of violence is the so-called Gender-Based Violence (GBV), which indicates the violence that is exercised against a girl, adolescent, or woman for being one. Another common form of violence is domestic violence which occurs within relationships and with family members.

Abuse, also, implies a position of exercising power, unequal and by force, in a relationship; although, certainly, this concept is used more in the sense of the inappropriate, excessive, unfair, and forceful use of a person or one thing. For this reason, the term “abuse” is more associated with the exercise of power in situations with sexual connotations.

On the other hand, abuse constitutes an act that places a person in a situation of vulnerability, defenselessness, and abuse of power or, also, someone who is in threat of committing an act that causes this. It is more common to hear the term abuse in relation to children or animals.

In the context of gender-based violence and domestic violence, these terms -violence, abuse, and mistreatment- are synonyms and refer to any act, word, conduct, or situation in which one person exercises abusive power over another to cause harm, diminish its dignity, have possession over them or take advantage of the situation.

Types of violence

Many institutions and professionals, national and international, have worked to define the types of abuse or violence that can occur. Knowing what each of them consists of, is essential if you want to identify if there is -or not- a situation of violence in a given case or if you are part of a violent or abusive relationship.

There are broad categories that determine the types of violence:

1. Gender-Based Violence. According to UN Women, “it refers to harmful acts directed against a person or a group of people based on their gender.” This category of violence is based on historical gender inequality, the abuse of power, and the existence of customs, norms, and cultural assumptions that go against people of different genders, especially girls and women.

2. Family or intrafamily violence. It describes the violence or abuse that a family member or intimate partner (spouse, ex-spouse, boyfriend, etc.) carries out on their partner.

3. Child abuse is any intentional harm inflicted on persons under 18 years of age by an adult.

These three categories of violence can occur in multiple forms, some more obvious, such as physical abuse, and others more subtle or invisible, such as gaslighting. We will explain some of them below:

• Abuse or physical abuse. It is the most well-known and obvious. It consists of any damage done to a person’s body, directly and intentionally, temporary or permanent. They can be: blows, wounds, fractures, scratches, pushes, shaking, etc.

• Abuse or sexual abuse. It is physical violence that refers, specifically, to situations in which the person is forced or coerced to carry out sexual activities without their consent or will. It is an imposition to carry out sexual acts, even if at first there was consent, but during the situation, it appears that there is no longer consent.

• Psychological or emotional abuse. It is violence that, even if there is no physical aggression, is exerted on another person by humiliating, threatening, insulting, or devaluing them, temporarily or constantly and passively or actively. Some examples of this type of violence are threats, coercion, blackmail, control, disqualifying comparisons, shouting, mockery, imposition of the way of dressing, denying the words or feelings of the other, or gaslighting, which consists of making the person doubt themselves and lose their sense of reality, affecting their self-esteem or self-respect.

• Economic violence. It is the reduction and deprivation of economic resources to the partner or children as a measure of coercion, manipulation, or with the intention of damaging their integrity; It is also forcing the person to be financially dependent on their attacker.

• Patrimonial violence. Having the intention of dominating or causing harm with the usurpation or destruction of property or objects that belong to the couple. It is common for assets that are the result of many years of work to be destroyed or used by the couple for their benefit, excluding the owner from this process.

• Vicarious violence. When a couple has children and seeks to hurt, attack, or exert any type of violence on them to violate the couple, it is vicarious violence. This seeks a psychological impact on the person from the attack on another person who is not a direct part of the couple.

• Institutional violence. These are the acts or omissions that public servants or other organizations make to delay, prevent, or reduce the exercise of a person’s rights. For example, what some elements of the health system do with women when they force them to undergo a cesarean section (without proper reason or information) because it is more convenient due to schedules or agendas; or when an institution minimizes a woman’s request because it is considered out of place or not a priority.

Transform relational violence with dialogue

To understand good treatment, as opposed to abuse and violence, we must be aware that any interrelation and communication that does not put dialogue first, means abuse and exclusion. To generate new possibilities for constructive futures, it is necessary to choose a posture of respect and affection, understanding and responsibility.

Words are builders of people: how they speak to others and how they speak about others, build them. Seeing the other as someone with the right to think differently, to have other points of view and different perspectives, while valuing them as an interlocutor with whom conversations will begin to coordinate social actions that contribute to the common good, capable of guaranteeing a dignified life, without abuse or violence.

Dialogue mobilizes the resources and strengths of the participants, their sense of belonging expands, people experience a sense of connection and are willing to reciprocity and take part in the social responsibility of deciding with others, as legitimate interlocutors of a social dialogue, which is an interaction to socially construct other possible and desirable futures.

It is with dialogue that we recognize, value, and appreciate that others live in networks of relationships with concrete and diverse expectations and needs, with which it is essential to converse contextualizing to build relationships and authentic human worlds.

Conversing is an integrative practice, a philosophy, that calls for trust and respect; that models a relational ethic, that builds a relational bond. That allows the other to begin to be, to be different, as they wish to be: with their own voice, and responsible for creatively mobilizing their resources for a relational dynamic based on responsibility.

Words are acts and acts become words, carriers of new meanings. For its ability to evoke and summon thoughtful reflections, construct new meanings that humanize experiences, and give them a voice, a face, possibilities, and context.

Every authentic and genuine encounter (which is such because we accept the other), is transformed little by little, with the words of others. It is there, due to its transformative nature, that conversations generate joy, by connecting us with “that which is common to us.” We need to build a different relational ethic, a deep intimacy, which means opening up completely -in a transformative dialogue- to the possibility that open and honest dialogue with the other changes us, to generate common well-being.

(***) Authorised reproduction by:

https://www.maxionline.ec/reconociendo-el-maltrato/

English translation by Bruno Tapia Naranjo.