Dialogue as a way of learning about being with the other.

Relational and Social Constructionist Consortium of Ecuador (IRYSE)

Diego Tapia Figueroa, Ph.D. and Maritza Crespo Balderrama, M.A.

Tell stories

Telling stories is usually one of the deepest forms of dialogue. When a person wants to tell their story and chooses an interlocutor capable of listening to it, it opens a space for a different conversation.

Our life is made of stories that others tell about us, and that we tell and tell about ourselves -and others-; those stories build our ways of being. Therefore, the last word is never said, we can reinvent ourselves at every moment. And, the dialogue in which the other -being treated as an interlocutor- is legitimized, the reflective-meaningful dialogue, transforms us.

Human events only become intelligible after having been chronicled. Through conversations, life experiences and events related to suffering and dilemmas are formed and reformed. Meanings and understandings, constructions and reconstructions of realities, and being with others are created and recreated.

Conversations, which enable new actions and discourses in everyday life. Understand that the question constitutes the basis of the dialogue. Questions that represent mobilizing possibilities of hope. We listen by being connected, and committed to the dialogic process; we ask, not to obtain content information but to understand the relational connections and the processes. Once we ask a question, we shut up, we listen quietly, we don’t interrupt; we do not give advice, we do not judge or criticize. We respect the rhythm and time of the interlocutors.

We have responsibility for what we participate in the construction of. That people feel understood, supported, accepted, and heard. We ask ourselves from this relational ethic perspective: could we together do something more, a significant difference that contributes to creating a deep connection, a new meaning to one’s own life? How can we contribute with our radical presence and our questions to unraveling the relational knots that oppress people’s lives?

Let’s imagine the tentative/probable sequence:

Dialogue, as we are discovering, is a meeting of consciences through words. It is an invitation to recover the value of one’s own words, to recover responsibility for actions and their consequences on others.

I want to tell my story

You are open and curious and show genuine interest in what you hear.

I, due to the relational context that we have created, feel trust and security to share it.

You listen without interrupting to understand

While I describe what I want to tell, I hear myself differently.

You, with the attitude of respect that you show, encourage me to continue

We, together with dialogue, are creating a space for creativity.

By continuing to speak, I understand what I am thinking and I can explain it by reflecting.

You, ask me about something that seemed significant to you

I feel like I need to give details so that the story is better understood.

You listen without anxiety

We, with dialogue, are generating new learning

Thanks to your new questions, I contextualize the story to give it depth

You begin to feel that what you hear is transforming you.

I understand that unthinkable possibilities opened up from the complexity that my description gives us.

You also begin to tell your story

I question you (as a witness on your behalf) about the details of your story.

You connect with your vulnerability so that the dialogue is deep

I experience that freedom is relational and is built with words

We open possibilities

Of the forms of relationship that we experience, only dialogue as the first option can be considered good treatment. All other forms of relationships are abuse and mean exclusion.

A poetics of meaning

This dialogic perspective allows the best of each person to flourish in the process of relationally weaving new possibilities, through conversation. New stories, narratives, concepts, and meanings unfold with enthusiasm. With the vital energy that comes from contributing from amazement.

This dialogue between the two stimulates creativity, a place of their own is woven for each one, which did not exist before the conversational process and which produces hope. If there is something that genuinely brings joy, it is when the words -that the dialogue with the other connects- help us bring the best of those two different worlds.

We build a connection thanks to the fact that we open a dialogue where we begin to jointly construct new meanings from the stories we generate. When telling, we trust ourselves with curiosity and respect, when telling, we focus on what is important.

When there are questions and other answers, we are co-responsible for the dialogic process. This dialogue -rich in nuances- begins a relational ethic, in which I am committed to caring for the dialogic process, which means responsibly caring for those of us who participate in the conversation.

Dialogues and conversations, which never end, are infinite.

Are there premises to dialogue freely? If dialogue is transformative: in what contexts is it noticeable? How is it perceived relationally?

There are contexts, circumstances, experiences, and processes in which dialogue needs to have a purpose and give meaning. At other times the purpose is to build the dialogue, sustain it, and be consistent; the purpose is to open dialogue.

The desire to speak, to say, to communicate, humanizes the relationship, it is a way of being responsible for the relationship: speaking, listening, understanding, and responding; it is the way to take care of people and the relationship. Talk to the other to liberate each other, enabling new social ecologies.

There are relationships in which the fear of connecting, the fear of being vulnerable, is camouflaged with euphemisms, with pseudo-intellectual, pseudo-rational, pseudo-logical explanations. When only being vulnerable is an authentic and genuine dialogue with the other possible.

With dialogue we connect with resources; by asking meaningful questions, social processes are created to generate future conditions. Relating from complexity, with reflective pragmatics, we curiously seek to produce joint actions that allow understanding, innovation, awareness of one’s capabilities, and the coordination of new responsibilities, that allow intelligent contributions and reciprocal achievements. We are connected to jointly construct new meanings and a poetics of meaning.

English translation by Bruno Tapia Naranjo.